The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
