Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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