all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
