she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
