Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
