The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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