apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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