i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
