The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
