I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
