how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
