I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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