This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
