Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
