The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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