Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
