Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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