How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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