If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
