I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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