just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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