we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
