Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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