Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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