saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
