i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
