Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
