Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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