I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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