Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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