True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
