i think my tv is drunk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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