normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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