I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
