if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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