She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
