Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
