hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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