I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize