I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
