we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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