What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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