I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
