Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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