Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
