woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
