I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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