Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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