the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
