1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I just put wine in my tea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
