you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
