i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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