well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
