fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
