I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
