weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
