Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
