I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
