My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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