Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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