I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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