is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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