I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
