My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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