i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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