hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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