Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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