all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
