I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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