Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
