brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
