just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
