I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
