My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
