here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry about my life...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
