just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
