After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
