shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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