I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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