So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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