Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my liver is dry heaving
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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