Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
