Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
