You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
