Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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