oh god the rape fog is back!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
