i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
